Empathy

EMPATHY --

the ability to put ourselves in others' shoes;

feeling the pain with hurting people.

It's not about trying to change people into what we think is best. It's about meeting people where they are. It's about listening without shoving our advice down their throats. It's about "knowing where they're coming from."

But how can we put ourselves in others' shoes if we're not willing to learn about the ground others' walk (or have walked) on? If my ground is the only right ground, then other ground is usually avoided. It's difficult to put ourselves in others' shoes if we remain overly sheltered, not seeing how others' live -- not being involved in others' lives and struggles, people from different walks of life.

I've eaten with the homeless in DC on more than one occasion, sat in the Oval Office, lived in near-poverty and lived in luxury; city, country, and in between. I'm excited about the many more life experiences to come, and mainly to get to know and understand others. Life is so RICH!

My life experiences, whether perceived as good or bad, are there to teach me. As I heard someone say recently, "Our life experiences don't happen TO us, they happen FOR us."

Our experiences living with the plain groups were also deep learning experiences, and I hope to write a book some day about it. My husband and I have chronicled those experiences through journaling, and we scribble notes and ideas as we talk. But I'll wait until some time passes so I can be more objective and have developed a bit more empathy. :)

Empathy allows for understanding. "Understanding is the beginning of wisdom," as the Psalm reminds us. So the opposite of that would mean "ignorance is unwillingness or inability to understand." In the past when I would say, "I just don't understand how....," I was acknowledging the fact that I lacked empathy, thereby lacking wisdom.

I would say that empathy is one of the most important character qualities that we can develop in life. To be able to say honestly and really feel it, "But for the grace of God, there go I," and to have true compassion for all, realizing that if it was us, we'd want that same non-judgmental treatment, understanding and love. You never know, some day it just MAY be you.

Do we greet the dirty homeless man with a smoking cigarette hanging out of his mouth the same as we do our pastor or leader when walking into our place of worship? Do we bless him with the same understanding, compassionate smile? That could be the only smile he gets that day. That smile could say to him, "You're important, you matter, and I understand."

Or do we turn our head away in disgust, thinking "I'm glad I'm not like that."

Do we have the decency and courage to look him in the eye, or do we abruptly divert our eyes onto the sidewalk, scared to acknowledge him? Acknowledgment is a great human need.

So, deep down we're all alike. We just have different circumstances and obstacles -- different lessons to learn.

"Some great people make others feel small,
but the greatest people of all make others feel tall."

On Embracing the Human Race and Diversity

Credit: Pete Saloutos/Getty Images

This past week my children and I visited a nearby park near our new neighborhood. I was so delighted to meet so many interesting people from different ethnic backgrounds and religions. God made our world so rich in variety!

There were several families at the park. I sat at a picnic table with four other homeschooling mothers. But not your typical homeschooling crowd. At the table, there was a French Muslim, an atheist, a Unitarian Universalist, a Cuban Seventh-Day Adventist, and me. I am a Christian who was briefly involved in one of the above spiritual paths in the past.

I grew up with no religion or spiritual guidance, dabbled in many spiritual paths, then became a Christian in my mid to late 20's. Since then, which was over 20 years ago, our family has had experiences in a myriad of different settings, the latest being over five years spent with conservative Mennonite/Anabaptist communities. (The Mennonites are the group that the Amish came out of, around the 1600's). We are no longer part of that community, as of just a few months ago, although we greatly appreciate our time there. We learned a lot, were enriched, and we, as well as our children, have many fond memories and are very, very grateful for that time in our lives, and we love the people there.

Back at the park the other day, the thing that amazed and delighted me was the graciousness and humbleness of our very candid conversations. Everyone felt free to share about the paths they had chosen, or had grown up with, in detail, and no one was offended, loud or upset. Very rare nowadays. It's about getting to know people on a deeper level -- their joys, their struggles, their journeys. Our time together was very rich and loving. My spirit was quickened and I felt love for everyone there.

It got me thinking that we have so much to learn from others. Anyone! I think I learned more from the DC homeless population, when I worked with them years ago, than others in quite a while. I've found that there's a great depth to people when they've worked hard to overcome challenges and difficulties. They've truly experienced life in so many ways and on so many levels, good and bad, and have so much to offer. Such richness.

I'm grateful that we're not so isolated anymore and are able to more fully be a part of the human race. For the past few years, it seems, we rejected fellowship with anyone that wasn't just like us. And some of the only times we did communicate with people that were different than us was to try to make them just like us. This is the way of the community we recently left.

My husband and I feel ashamed at the way we looked at others at times; how we bought into a limited way of thinking -- how judgmental we were toward anyone not like us. It's so easy to fall into, especially for those who have never known any different, and especially when that's mostly all you and your children are surrounded by, day in and day out.

It's WONDERFUL to be able to touch others' lives again, and to be touched by them! We're slowly reversing some (but not all) of the teachings we and our children have been immersed in over the past several years. One being that we need not fear man.

We can learn lessons from ANYONE!